Saturday, November 29, 2008
Holiday Hungry
I am addicted to caffeine, as I have said before. If I could love inanimate objects, I would love Diet Soda. A naughty, sticky, hot, yet ice cold kind of love. The kind of love that breaks your heart because you know it can't last. From the first hiss of the seal breaking to the last delicious drop. Jesus. If I keep going like this I might pop a chubby. I will save that for later.
I think I will write about other good things. It is that time of year for good thoughts so I might as well have a few, right? I can always focus on bad stuff later or things that piss me off. I do enjoy talking about stuff that pisses me off, but it right now--not the time. So here we go--
Pie. Pie has much goodness. Be it apple, pumpkin, pecan or even delicious sweet potato. Pie made bad is just god awful. But pie done right, with great crust, maybe with some Cool Whip, or ice cream. It is totally drool worthy.
Stuffing. Some people say judge a holiday meal by the turkey. Some people say it is the potatoes. Some say gravy is the way to go. I think stuffing is the true milestone. The reason why is because a cook can really mess stuffing up bad. They try to be creative. They try to add weird meats and seasonings and even worse fruit and it just goes horribly, horribly wrong. If you put fruit into stuffing I don't know if I can relate to you as a human. Seriously. It just doesn't work. Give up. Oh, and if you disagree, you are wrong. Totally and completely.
Snack foods at the holidays are great. Pepperoni, cheese, crackers. Dips of all colors and flavors. Chips. Corn and Potato. Pickles and olives laid out on platters and I suppose we can put some mixed veggies up in there. You know, for the variety and to cleanse the pallet.
That brings us to baked good other than pies. Holiday cakes, brownies, fudge and best and brightest of all the Christmas cookies. One of my sister's friend's mom would bake every year. She would send some home with my sister and those were some good cookies. They seemed to just taste better than normal cookies not just because of the taste but because of the Christmasy goodness. Like the secret ingredient was Christmas spirit or something. Even those powdery puffy things were good. The only Christmas cookies I can't get with are those damn ones with the fruit jelly in them. Why people why?
Oh yeah. People give and get presents too. But that really isn't as important as good food. Now is it? Laterzzz...
Labels: cookies, holiday, soda
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving Splatters
Two days to Thanksgiving. Well at least there was when I started writing this. Now there is one day.
I hate Thanksgiving time. I think I have said why before but I don't really feel like going into it now. Just say I don't really like it at all. I like the idea of it. And it isn't the day itself that I detest it is my own personal life experiences that I can't stand.
I like the idea of a decent feast. Stuffing yourself until you can't walk. The bird and the fixins and the deliciousness. I got no problem with that.
People say in other countries that us Americans are too fat. They are right. But then again who the hell cares what they think. They don't care what we think. As long as we don't invade them.
The turkeys on the other hand probably ain't too fond of the whole idea. I am sure if the turkeys could all gather together and have a turkey meeting they would vote that people start eating more goose. I have never had goose. I am not opposed to eating goose I have just never had the opportunity. The fucking things are everywhere nowadays though.
I think it was illegal to eat them because they had been hunted to near extinction. So people stopped. So now they are all over the place and shitting cigar sized turds and just making a mess of the joint.
I don't wish ill will on the geese. I just think that some animals need to develop a healthy fear of people. Like bears. And coyotes. Geese are relatively harmless. Bears kill and maul people. And coyotes do the same to pets. Geese don't really harm you unless you happen to be in the plane when one flies into the engine. Then that could be bad.
Speaking of being mauled, Friday is once again "Black Friday". Spooky, huh? It's no coincidence that maul and mall sound the same. When you go out to wait in lines and join that orgy of consumerism, you sometimes feel like you have been mauled by a bear. A great big bear. With big teeth. And sharp claws. And an aggressive sexual appetite. That might have a bit of fun with you before it rips you to pieces. All in good fun though.
There is no way in hell I would go to the store on Friday. Doubtful I would go on Saturday. Not feeling too good about Sunday either. I hate the maul. I mean mall. Stores in general bother me. I like doing my shopping online. Delivery charges suck but waiting in lines sucks more in my opinion. This year I am thinking everyone gets Amazon gift cards. Laterzzz...
Labels: goose, mall, thanksgiving, turkey
Thursday, November 20, 2008
What's in the News?
I'm gonna read some news. Let's see what is going on in the world, shall we?
Well Jobless claims have reached a 16 year high. Way to go America! Actually it is very serious because unemployment only goes for so long. So after you lose your job you get to be poor and then if you still can't find work you get to be homeless. Nice country we have here that puts people on the street for just being poor.
At least the holiday shopping season is about to start because this way we can celebrate unchecked consumerism. The news media can avoid reporting on the state of people who don't have enough food and such and stick to reporting on the new Tickle Me Elmo or the scarcity of the Nintendo Wii.
Oh, I love this one, check out this picture.
In this image from NASA TV, a tool kit bag, center, as seen through the helmet camera of astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper, floats away from the International Space Station after she lost hold of it during a procedure during a 6 1/2-hour scheduled space walk outside the space station, Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008.(AP Photo/NASA TV)
Fucking excellent.
100 Grand just floating away because someone didn't use a piece of rope. The just shows the whole space program in a nutshell. I am all for the space program. I just think that there is a lot of stuff done wrong. I like the shuttle but it seems a little over blown. We need a more workman like shuttle program. Everything doesn't have to look pretty but it should work. I also think that they need to get some sponsors up on that stuff. If it can work for Nascar, why can't we put stickers on the shuttle? Patches on the spacesuits? The big fuel tank on the launch pad should be decorated to look like a giant can of Diet Pepsi. I say let big business put up a little cash.
I also think they need to sell some rides on the space shuttle. Why just astronauts? How about some millionaires? They would pay for the ride. Or maybe hold a national lottery. You put in a buck and if you win you get to go into space. How many millions could they raise and what would it cost them? A seat? Come on, it's not that difficult to train someone to go into space. I think all that astronaut training is if you need to fix shit or drive the shuttle. Learning to use the toilet and a few other things can't take much longer than a week or two. I would put in a few bucks what the hell?
Ok, here is one good one. A girl went four months without a heart. She had a transplant, the heart wasn't good. Then when there was no heart available the doctors put artifical pumps in her to keep her alive. She had to be attached to a photocopier sized machine to keep it pumping. Then she got a new heart. But for all that time in between, nothing.
Now that is kind of cool. Imagine what it would be like not having a heart beat. I am sure the machines were loud enough but not having the heart beating must have been strange as hell. Usually the only time your heart doesn't beat is right at the end. And usually you have other things on your mind if you are aware of it.
I have wished I wasn't breathing before. But that was when I sick and it hurt to breathe because I had a headache or flu or whatever. Oh, and that one time my nose was whistling and no matter how many times I blew it I had that damn whistle up in there. It damn near drove me insane. At that time I was wishing that I could stop breathing. But then I snorted some nose spray or whatever and all was better. Yay for happy endings.
Ha, Ha! Some assclown at Taco Bell is getting the company sued because they sent a fake letter to 50 Cent (or Fiddy as we say in the hood) to ask him to change his name for a day to 79 Cent, 89 Cent, or 99 Cent to promote the dollar menu. They offered to give $10K to Fiddy's favorite charity. Apparently Fiddy's lawyers figure they can make more with a little green-mail. They filed a lawsuit for trademark infringement. Fiddy must like El Polio Loco or Del Taco. I bet that they get a bit more than 10 grand in the end. Go Fiddy! Get your money! Lawsuits! The better than crime to make money.
Now the hippies are after video game machines. They are saying that the Xbox and the PS3 and to a lesser extent the Wii use a lot of electricity even if they are off. So they want you to turn off your systems when not in use. I really don't have a problem with that. I think that you should turn shit off. It's like people leaving their computers on 24/7. Why? I say turn the damn thing off if it is not being used. It doesn't help that some of the machines make is so hard to turn off. You have to shut down this and wait for that and dock this and its just takes so long. Turning something off should be easy. Hit the off switch and it is off. Is that so damn difficult? Why do things have to be so hard?
Now a new feature--Biff's Awesome Christmas gifts. I almost said "holiday" but fuck that. I celebrate Christmas. And sometimes Xmas. But hell, if you get me a present I will celebrate whatever you want me too. Our first one is the Obama Commemorative Plate. That needs to go on toilet lids or curio cabinets across the nation! Laterzzz...
Labels: gifts, news, Obama, space program
Friday, November 14, 2008
Just some Randomness
That is what I am feeling today.I don't know why but I am. I am feeling here and there about this and that. I want to write something though. So maybe this will be one of those random shit on my mind if you like it cool if not kiss my ass kinda entries.
So, what's good?
Sons of Anarchy. Good show on FX, Hulu, or wherever the fuck you want to download shit online.
Potato Chips. Salty. Crunchy. What more do you need? Maybe Doritoes?
Fighting sleep. I don't want to sleep. The dreams come.I hate dreaming.Well, I hate nightmares.Dreams are ok sometimes. Especially sexy ones.
Fuck. I have just gone blank. Mind is an empty shell.
I should just turn this shit off and go to sleep. I think I might have to do that now.
You know supposedly if you don't sleep you go insane. That's kind of insane if you think about it. Why sleep? I think being insane might be fun. Worked for the Joker.
Speaking of which, I thought the Dark Knight was ok. I don't know if it was all that or worth the hype. Heath was decent as the Joker. No doubt about that. I don't know if he will win the Oscar but he should prolly be nominated. I mean he died for the role or something. I think it was suicide but that is my opinion. I don't buy the accidental overdose thing. I think that is just someone trying to put a positive spin on a bad situation. I could be wrong though. You never know with someone because you can't live in another persons head.
I don't know if I would want to read people's thoughts. Knowing the sick shit that runs through people's minds or how they really feel about you. Who needs to know that? It is like looking at someone's porn collection. What if you find some sick shit that totally changes the way you look at someone? !Happened to me once. Found a porn of my cousins. Turned out to be a bi-sexual tape! It's like dude is banging a chick, second dude comes in, I think hey it time for a DP and then bam! sticks his dick in the guy! I am just glad I wasn't jerking off at the time. That shit could have scarred me for life. Well more scarred than I am.
Winter is coming. It's getting colder. I generally like the cold. But the days get dark so early. I don't like that. Maybe I need to move to the southern hemisphere during this time of year. I could winter in Australia and Summer here in the US. First I have to find a way to win the lottery to make my life of leisure possible. But hey, no one said it would be easy. But some things are just worth it.Laterzzz...
Labels: Batman, mind reading, random, sleep, Sons of Anarchy
Friday, November 07, 2008
The Pres is Here.
Obama won the election. Which I suppose by now is common knowledge and not in any way breaking news.
I guess for one time that I can remember hope and optimism has won out over fear and dishonesty. And I don't have to say that it, but that is a good thing.
Do I think that Barak Obama is some kind of miracle worker who will bring forth a new age of enlightenment in the U.S.? No. But hopefully his election will make signal a shift toward a more positive time. At least until the next election cycle starts or the G.O.P starts to poo all over anything innovative that the new administration would like to enact. But that is still a couple of months from now. So for now let positivity reign.
Let's see, what else has been going on. The economy is still in the toilet. And honestly I don't care about it enough to write about. This isn't some kind of political blog or whatever. I just write about what comes to mind. The problem is nothing has been coming to mind.
I haven't gotten any grand flashes on inspiration. Or even better, Any grand flashes of irrational anger. that is where I usually find something that I can write about. When I get pissed off I get wordy. I just haven't been that pissed off lately. Isn't that sad? My anger is alluding me.
Maybe I should drink? Lots of writes used the alcohol to help with the writing. Some used other drugs. Is the drug and alcohol use a sign of genius or is it a symptom of pain? Maybe pain inspires and the drugs just let you deal with the pain enough to get the words onto paper?
I don't believe that the booze (and or drugs but I will just mention the booze) makes you better creatively. If that was the case I have relatives who should have been authors, and every AA meeting would turn into a freaking poetry slam.
Or I could be just looking for a reason to be come a raging alcoholic? I mean why not? It would add a bit of character to me wouldn't it? Some irrational outbursts. Maybe a bout or two of public indecency? I have never actually been in a bar fight and from all the TV and wild west shows that I have seen it seems like a pretty fun time. Not to mention the possible vomiting and and hangovers that I am missing. I think I may have my New Year's resolution. Laterzzz...
