Brain Splatter

Two days to Thanksgiving. Well at least there was when I started writing this. Now there is one day.

I hate Thanksgiving time. I think I have said why before but I don't really feel like going into it now. Just say I don't really like it at all. I like the idea of it. And it isn't the day itself that I detest it is my own personal life experiences that I can't stand.

I like the idea of a decent feast. Stuffing yourself until you can't walk. The bird and the fixins and the deliciousness. I got no problem with that.

People say in other countries that us Americans are too fat. They are right. But then again who the hell cares what they think. They don't care what we think. As long as we don't invade them.

The turkeys on the other hand probably ain't too fond of the whole idea. I am sure if the turkeys could all gather together and have a turkey meeting they would vote that people start eating more goose. I have never had goose. I am not opposed to eating goose I have just never had the opportunity. The fucking things are everywhere nowadays though.

I think it was illegal to eat them because they had been hunted to near extinction. So people stopped. So now they are all over the place and shitting cigar sized turds and just making a mess of the joint.

I don't wish ill will on the geese. I just think that some animals need to develop a healthy fear of people. Like bears. And coyotes. Geese are relatively harmless. Bears kill and maul people. And coyotes do the same to pets. Geese don't really harm you unless you happen to be in the plane when one flies into the engine. Then that could be bad.

Speaking of being mauled, Friday is once again "Black Friday". Spooky, huh? It's no coincidence that maul and mall sound the same. When you go out to wait in lines and join that orgy of consumerism, you sometimes feel like you have been mauled by a bear. A great big bear. With big teeth. And sharp claws. And an aggressive sexual appetite. That might have a bit of fun with you before it rips you to pieces. All in good fun though.

There is no way in hell I would go to the store on Friday. Doubtful I would go on Saturday. Not feeling too good about Sunday either. I hate the maul. I mean mall. Stores in general bother me. I like doing my shopping online. Delivery charges suck but waiting in lines sucks more in my opinion. This year I am thinking everyone gets Amazon gift cards. Laterzzz...

Labels: goose, mall, thanksgiving, turkey

// posted by Biff Manly @ 2:54 AM