Saturday, March 28, 2009
Rental Car
I get in the car and my head rubs the ceiling. When I close the car door some kind of molded plastic pocket on the door presses into my leg. I feel like the proverbial ten pounds of shit in the five pound bag. And the seat is some misshapened uncomfortable thing that I think was used to torture prisoners in Iraq.
So once I squeeze my ass into the car and we go where we are going to go, I have to get out of the car. As I get out I smack my head on the door frame. So when I do extricate myself I feel like I have been beaten up. My back is still a bit sore today from sitting on that seat.
I don't know how someone taller than me could fit in the damn car. It just doesn't make any sense. Does small car really have to be so small? I hate to think what happens to people when they get in an accident in such a tight space. The only thing I can think of is they design the car so that they can bury the people and the car together in one small package.
You know, then again it could just be that my fat ass and that car are just like oil and water and just don't mix? Is that possible? Like I had a pair of boots once that I put on and the first step just killed my feet. I wore them for like 10 minutes and that was plenty. I don't know if the design was just wrong or what but my feet hated those boots. I took them back the next day. Sometimes things just don't go together. Laterzzz...
Oh just gonna add a cool Arrested Development gif here for no reason what so ever. Laterzzz2.
Labels: Arrested Development, car, fat, rental
Friday, March 27, 2009
Just another day
Two days in a row. Oh my gawd! I must be going for some type of a record. A broken record. Skipping? Repeating itself over and over until you become insane? Yeah, that sounds about right.
I just finished watching the show Life. It's on NBC. Damn good show. It's about a cop that gets framed for a double murder and gets sent to jail. After 12 years, I think it was, he if found to have been wrongfully accused and is let out of jail. He also gets a lot of money from the city because of improprieties in his conviction. He goes back to work on the police force to find out who framed him and to find out who the killer actually was. But it goes beyond that
Charlie Crews, the detective, is just awesome. He is trying to balance his need with revenge with a zen philosiphy that helped keep him alive in prison. But there is also a darkside there because he wassn't that great a guy before prison and had to do some bad stuff to stay alive while behind bars. It's just an awesome show. And seriously, I don't know who does the casting but there are some sexy ass strong women characters on the show. (Hey I'd be dead if I didn't notice). It a good show. Watch it.
Did my taxes today. At least my Federal ones. God. It's just a freaking drop in the bucket compared to the all the other money flying around out there. But it makes a difference to me. That's my money! I got stuff I could do with that cash. I don't know what. After all, its not that much cash.
I do need to get a few kids though. I don't want to actually raise them or anything silly like that. I just want some kids that I can put on the tax forms as deductions. Wow. They really do make a difference to the bottom line don't they? What a scam you parents have going! You say you want to have a family and all that good stuff but it just comes down to getting a cut on you damn taxes don't it. Oh and that earned income tax credit thing, what is that about? You get extra money back for breeding? Come on!
I was just notified that kids cost a lot of money and that the money you get from the tax refund still doesn't cover that much. That's what I thought you would say. It's all a scam. Like maternity leave. I mean you could bring the kid to work. Especially if you sit at a desk in an office. And if you don't sit at a desk you can wear one of those papoose/kid backpack things. That's a good chance for bonding. Just because you physically push another life out of you body is no cause to slack off. At least not in this economy. Watch. In five years everyone will be doing it. Laterzzz...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Just wondering...
I wonder what it would be like to be a hot girl? Yeah. This is the kind of thing that pops into my head. I don't know why. It is just who I am.
Believe me. I have no urge to cross dress or to do a guy, not in the least. I don't want a vagina or boobs.(Occasionally I wouldn't object to sharing yours though). It's just it seems to me, if you are a pretty girl things probably come easier. I don't know if this is really true but it looks that way from the outside.
Guys are stupid for the most part and it has been shown that they will do things for a pretty girl that they would never do for a not as attractive girl. A pretty girl can get a lot of stuff with just a little flirting and we aren't even talking about getting drinks bought for them.
There are different kinds of pretty girls. There are the ones that are pretty but don't realize they are. There are the ones that know it. And there are the ones that know it and use their good looks to their advantage. I would probably be that kind. I say why the hell not?
Life isn't fair and if you get any advantage and know you can use it--I say go for it. I got no hatred for someone that strips. Shit, if someone would pay me to take my clothes off I would be up on the pole shaking it. The same for nude modeling and maybe even porn. If you can make the decent money and you are good with what you are doing well, do it. I don't think prostitution is the same because that is more of a willingness to trade sex for money which you don't necessarily have to be attractive to do. But that is a rant for another time.
Actually what kind of started me thinking about this was that I read an article that strip clubs and the porn industry are having an easy time finding new hires. Turns out with the bad economy people (mostly women, obviously) who have lost their jobs are turning to stripping and porn to try to make money. I guess it makes sense. You have a woman attractive but went to college and then into the career world. Maybe she is pretty but not quite super hot. Or she could be hot but never thought she could bring herself to get up on the stage or in front of a camera and maybe never had to. She loses her job. Or she realizes she can't make a mortgage payment or feed a kid. If the opportunity presents itself to make good dough and all you have to do is show the goods--is that wrong? I guess that is a choice each person has to make.
Now, I guess I haven't discussed pretty girls with a brain. They exist I am sure. No really. It was in National Geographic. They traced the fossil record. Man, I would get in so much trouble if anyone ever actually read this. But semi-seriously, I think that sometimes the pretty girls with the brain would be the first to do something like strip or porn. This is assuming everything is equal and there is no history of abuse or something of that nature that would make a girl damaged and therefore choose a life that she might not choose if such abuse didn't happen.
That is what you call a disclaimer. Not the first on I have wrote in this entry and maybe not the last. I probably didn't need to put that in there, but I did.
You know, I was just thinking about what I wrote earlier and maybe hard times have nothing to do with it. Some people will go to almost any lengths to be famous. Or to at least feel like the center of attention. And if you can make a fast buck at it that adds just a little more gravy to the turkey. Those girls on Girls Gone Wild get a fucking T-shirt for showing their stuff. I do suspect they get a little more cash too but I can't really confirm that. Shit, girls at Mardi Gras whip out the tit for beads. So who knows?
I always said if I woke up and I was a female for a day (hopefully a hot one with a nice ass and big boobs) I would first off look at myself in the mirror for a while. Playing with the boobs ,of course, (again, I hope they are perky too!). Then I would go dildo and vibrator shopping. I don't know how easy it would be to pick up a chick to have a lesbian experience but if that option presented itself I would go for that. And assuming I had those big, perky boobs I think I would want to whip em out. Why not. Especially if I could get stuff because of them? Now, I have no urge to fuck any guys but I guess if I was going to might as well make some cash off of that too. I could be all Pretty Woman and find me a millionaire and do all kinds of tricks to him and make him fall for the magic is me!
Damn. That's just all kinds of messed up. The last part that is. I really would do the vibrator thing. And the lesbian thing. And maybe lingerie shopping. Because even though inside I was a man, I would still want to have pretty undies. Laterzzz...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Back
Where to begin? It's been a bit since I've written anything. Especially a blog. I still hate that term. This is probably just gonna be a bunch of random shit that comes to mind. Because when it comes to random shit, I can do that.
Evil Clowns--People hate clowns. I guess I understand that. The makeup, the clothes, the way they play jokes on people. Most clowns don't talk and that is always a bit off putting. One of the scariest clowns is Pennywise. He was the clown for the book IT. He was played by Tim Curry in the TV movie of it.
When I went to look for a picture of a clown I found a link that was on MTV. It says they are going to try and film IT again. How they would do it as a movie for the theater viewing I would have no idea. It was OK as a miniseries but some say the is too hard to film. I guess we'll have to wait and see. After all, we all float down here, Georgie.
Speaking of remakes, they are going to remake the movie Highlander. Are you fucking serious? Are there not even suck ass movies in the world that you have to go and take a movie that it pretty damn--I don't want to use the word perfect--but pretty damn good? I mean shit--you got good acting, a kickass score by Queen, and a damn fine story. Leave it the fuck alone you nameless faceless losers in Hollywood.
I can think of other movies that could use a decent remake. What are they you ask? Well, off the top of my head how about the movie "Night of the Comet"? Decent flick about two sisters who survive after most of the world's population is gone and others are zombie-like. Another? How about My Science Project? Student finds an alien engine that opens a time portal in his high school. One more? How about the movie Real Genius?
Some remakes are OK. Now I can't really think of any really good ones in the last few years off the top of my head. I'm sure there must be some and maybe I am just too tired and or drunk to think of them.
Haha. Just kidding. I'm not tired.
It does make me wonder though why can't they come up with new ideas. I know there are hundreds if not thousands of people who write books. There are tons of people who write screenplays. There are people who write stageplays.We know Hollywood can steal from comic books so why can't they check other parts of the book store? Is it just that these guys, and women, just want something with a name that could be recognized? Maybe they are remember movies from we they were kids and are thinking if they remember them then so will other movie goers? I don't know. I just know I like to see a movie with a good story and don't really give a shit if twenty years before there was one with the same name. I don't think a movie should be remade unless you can bring something new and different to it. But what the fuck do I know? Nobody pays me for my fucking opinion. So maybe I should just fuck off and let them do what it is they do?
By the way, who are THEY. They are them. They are the ones you can blame. Or quote. Or refer to. They lie, cheat, and steal. They get away with things. They are idiots and geniuses. Fuck them.
Yesterday was St.Patrick's Day. Good for him. The only thing that I can think of that St. Patrick did was remove all the snakes from Ireland. I don't know if that is true or not and I really don't feel like looking it up. But lets assume that is what he did. I would have to assume that there were a lot of snakes in Ireland and that must have not made the people very happy. They probably had to drink a lot of beer and whiskey to get over the sadness. But then St. Paddy came and maybe by using green beer tricked the snakes into leaving? The Irish were so happy that they decided to drink even greater amounts of beer and whiskey to show their gratitude to him. And so we honor him to this day. I have to think St. Paddy must also have done something about the mice and rats because that is what snakes eat and without enough snakes the rat and mice population would go out of control and eat all the crops used to make beer and alcohol. That would be bad.
Really bad.
Really fucking bad.
Anyway.I think if they were gonna salute me by eating and drinking then I would want people to eat pizza and drink milkshakes. Happy Biff day. Pass me a slice. Or 12. And make that shake extra thick. Maybe make it a frozen mudslide. That's basically a milkshake with alcohol. That works nicely.
I think that may be it for me right now. I will be trying to write more because I can tell you, I am a little bit rusty. Ideas don't want to flow. I will force them out though and splatter them all over the walls of my own little part of the world. Any ideas? Laterzzz...
Labels: back, clowns, movies, remakes
