Wednesday, May 31, 2006
It's just so totally my Friday...
Tomorrow is my day off though. I am going to try to clean my dirty house and do laundry and all the stuff I always say that I am going to do. I probably won't but what the hell, might as well say that I will. Isn't it funny how we do that to ourselves. Weather it be diets or cleaning or execising or eating right or any other kind of foolish thing. It's fun to delude ourselves isn't it? That's why I promise myself to jerk off. I know I will keep that promise. Unless I am tired. Or injured. Fucking doctor won't give you a cortisone shot to work through a masturbation injury. Fuckers.
Speaking of which, where the hell can I find on of those cool doctors that just writes you prescriptions for shit even if you don't need it? I want some good drugs just for the hell of it. Why not? I got the insurance, might as well get the most out of it. How about a little Oxycotin for a pleasant weekend? Some Percocets would make the work week fly by. Maybe I might not be able to do my job to the best of my ability but let's be honest, I barely give 50% when I am there anyway. Hey that is more than I used to give, but I did get a raise and promotion recently so I guess I have to up it 5%. Yeah, I am all responsible and shit!
Sorry, I was laughing. I may get paid more than I did but I don't believe I yet get paid enough to give 100%...but eh...not much is asked of me at work. I have limited stress and I can basically cruise through the day. So I think I am good for a bit. Why would anyone want a job, especially one that don't pay that well that would be all stressful? Beats me. Hell, beat me off!
Dammit, do I have a masturbation theme going here today? And if I do what is wrong with that?
There were news items I was going to talk about. But I don't really feel that right now. I have a big case of the, so whats? Politics, so what? The environment, so what? Storms, the stock market, this that and the other, so what? I just want to go to the store tomorrow. Buy some cold soda. Maybe some sandwich stuff. Then come home and maybe take a nap. I am not going to stress. I am going to relax. Stress kills. So it goes...Laterzzz...
Friday, May 26, 2006
Taking out the trash...
I just threw out some garbage. How the hell do we end up with so much? I am only one person and I can throw out a bag or two a week. The only thing that I can think of is that every damn thing that you buy seems to have two or three layers of packaging. Is that really needed? I am not a tree-hugging hippie zero-impact environmentalist holyier-than-thou hypocrite . But have you ever tried to open a damn DVD? You have more layers or packaging then unwrapping a virgin on prom night.
How the hell are you supposed to minimalize that? Nothing is sold out of the box anymore. And who would want it to be. The way things are shipped around and dropped and kicked, you need a lot of that packaging to make sure that the damn things arrive in once piece. Believe me, I use to work in retail, and when they open up the back of one of those trucks the products are stacked to the ceiling. Sometimes they come tumbling out. I guess the packaging is necessary on stuff like TV's and other electronics.
Just some random thoughts:
I am watching the second season of Deadwood. It is a show on HBO. I guess the third season starts soon. From what I have been hearing it may be the last because the pricks at HBO don't get a big enough cut from the show, as it concerns DVD sales and such. It figures. Whenever something really good comes along the cocksuckers of the world want to piss all over it. If you have Netflix and are so inclined, I would recommend the show, highly. Oh yeah, you could buy it too. I would but it is like $60 and I got Netflix. So it goes...
I have to work tomorrow. I don't want to. That really is nothing new but I just thought I would be the whiny bitch for a minute. I don't mind work when I am there so much. It is the getting up in the morning, the travel, the waiting to start, the hassle of leaving. It gets tedious. I hate tedium. Strange how that don't stop me from writing though?
I am starting to dislike summer. I was hot yesterday. More sweaty because of the stagnant air and humidity than because of the heat. I fucking hate that. I hate when the air don't move, even with the ceiling fan going. I have got to get a room fan. I could just turn on the AC but it wasn't hot. Just stuffy. And I know that it isn't summer yet. Hell, summer is still a month away.
I am making one of my predictions right now! Ready? If is going to be a hell-fired hot summer. There are gonna be many storms, much humidity, and lots of heatwaves. I wouldn't doubt that we might get one of those years where people start dropping dead from the heat.Remember a few years back, in Chicago, I think it was. People were dying and they had to bring in those refrigerated trucks to keep the bodies in. I guess the regular morgues filled up. Am I the only one who finds it ironic that you die from the heat and then they put you in a cool place? So it goes...
Damn. it's starting to rain outside. And me boiling some hard boiled eggs. The two are not related, I don't think. But they could be. Do you know of any other reason for the rain?
In a previous, less "enlightened" time, magic and the Gods where assigned responsibility for weather and crops and women's fertility. Today we have technology. There is a saying, "Any significantly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Is that any less so today? With Palms and Blackberry's and computers and modern medicine how far removed are we from them being considered magic? Do you know how to fix a cell phone? Could you rebuild a car? Would you know how to repair a hole in a newborn's heart?
What I am trying to say is how far removed are we from sacrificing virgins in order to assure a prosperous harvest? When Katrina hit New Orleans and the magic of modern society failed, do you thing the people were saying Intel will save us? Nope, they were praying to what Gods they saw. And when the water started running out of a tap, and they sat down on a working toilet do you doubt that they were praising God? What would they do if they believed that by killing a few virgins their lives would be well?
Do you think it would take much for that to spread? Do you think that as a society we are that far removed from using candles, riding horses, and living off what we can raise? How long after a global calamity would the batteries hold out? How long would the canned food last? How long before no more gasoline is to be found for cars? I don't know.
It is fun in a sick way to think about. The disaster scenarios. The collapse of society. Things going awfully, horribly, terribly wrong. Hell, you watch Discovery channel long enough and you will see six or seven shows about some natural disaster. The bird flu(Bird Flu!) is just another in a long list of things to plague society. Maybe if we spent more time making society better than worrying about what could destroy us, we would be in a better position to confront the badness when it does happen? Do you think? Oh, well.
So it goes...Laterzzz...
Thursday, May 25, 2006
The mind wanders---
I had a topic to write about. I forgot what it was though. That happens sometimes. I am not saying that I am a very good or very proficient writer. I am not saying that my topics are always Earth shaking or that I even stick to them very well. But I generally need one to start off with. You always need a point A before you can get to a point B. C what I mean? Hey, it's seven months until Christmas. What are you going to get me? I want something fancy. I am not cheap but I can be had for a sizeable fee. Let's see, something that would be cool would be a PSP. I would like to be able to play some games on the road. Or where ever I may be. That would be a nifty stocking stuffer. Some games would be nice too. I must say though I have not spent a lot of time playing with the PSP. I haven't really studied it or anything. The only reason I would want one is because it is what one would call a shiny new toy. Being a man, we like our shiny new toys. Speaking of toys, I wouldn't mind one of those Playstation 3's when they come out. I am not going to pay for one, but I wouldn't mind one. If I had $600 bucks sitting around I would be getting a new computer before I blow it on a game system. Maybe if I could go online and such. It might be worth it. I don't know. $600 hundred bucks is a lot of money. Isn't it funny? I do consider $600 bucks a lot of money. There are people who don't. I have a feeling even if I ever won the lottery I would still consider $600 bucks a lot of money. I can't fathom people who don't. I don't know if I would be as cheap as I am now...but I probably would. I think if you come from a place where you never had much that even when you get to a place where you have enough you always remember in the back of your mind what it was like when you had nothing. Pause...quite lengthy too.. I kind of just read what I wrote. Wow I sound greedy. So what the hell, if I am going to make an early Christmas list for things that I will never get I am going to go all out. Feel free to get me some or all of the below (or above if you are reading this backwards).
- I want a laptop. Something speedy. Hell, get me a MacBookÔ (or whatever Emperor Steve Jobs is calling the damn things nowadays).
- I could use a giant plasma TV. Super duper surround system.
- I guess a BRAND NEW CAR wouldn't hurt either.
- How about a nice motorcycle? Harley Davidson anyone?
Wow. I feel like a whore now. A commercial whore for the man. Or woman. Does it make me bad to want crappy merchandise that really won't make me any happier? Well, except the motorcycle. That would make me really happy. `Cuz that is how I roll. Plus then I can call it my "hog". And I can have my woman ride on the back and I can call her "my old lady". And I can wear leather when it is inappropriately hot outside and no one will say shit because I am a biker and we are known to be surly. I think I have basked in the glow of unrestricted commercial lust for long enough. This entry has also meandered enough. I can't really think of anything I want to talk about other than something vulgar. I will save that for later. I think I have been vulgar enough. Laterzzz...
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Howdy There...
What would it take for you to kill someone? Money? Power? Would someone have to be threatening you or your family? Or what if they did hurt a love one? Would you be able to pull the trigger? I mean do you have the stones inside yourself to walk up to someone and take their life? What would they have had do to make you angry enough to kill someone?
I guess a lot of people could kill another person. Especially if it was morally justified. If you family was hurt, or if you were saving someone, but could you kill someone if it was a totally selfish decision?
For example, your child is going to die. Cancer. Could you or would you kill someone if it was legal to do so to save your child? How many people would you kill? If you child would live would you kill a thousand other kids? A million if they were in another country and you would never meet them? What if you had to kill every kid in your child's class so your kid could live? If it wasn't against the law would you? Could you?
I think that people are a lot less attached to their morals then they perpetrate. I think that is the point of today's rant. Think about it, if you could kill a person who cut you off in traffic or who bumped into you for no reason or just for the hell of it to pass the time of day, would you? I know I would. I would be killing people left and right.
Why you may ask? Well, it's easy. I hate people. Hate them lots and lots. There are too many fucking people in the world and we don't need anymore. Shit, we got birth control why the fuck are people having kids?
I think we need the bird flu (Bird Flu!) to come through and take some people out. I don't think it is a nice thought but this isn't a nice world. If suddenly half the people in the world dropped dead there would be a whole hell of a lot more of stuff. Sure, there would be lots of dead people around and you would have to get rid of them all.
But hey, it might stimulate the economy. Look at all the jobs collecting, cataloging and burning the bodies would create. Those would be good jobs too. Government jobs. I would be a body wrangler if I was getting the cash for it. As long as it was decent. I mean assuming I lived through the viral holocaust. Then it would be all OK. Oh. And don't kill anyone. That ain't cool. Laterzzz...
Friday, May 19, 2006
Once again...
OK, not really. I am actually just writing while I wait for my innards to explode. I ate some food that is once again not sitting well and I know that sometime between now and then(when? Then.) I will be driving the porceline bus. Hopefully it will be before work and I everything will be more or less fine. But who knows--it could be cholera. E-coli anyone? Oh, well.
You know, it really is a truism that you don't appreciate being regular unless you are not. I think it is something that some people take for grant. And yes, I do mean a good bowel movement.
If you have ever known older people, they know for a fact that being regular in the bathroom is one of the things that makes life a hell of a lot easier. If things are not good in that way, you find out that nothing else really matters much. Bad bathroom experiences can really screw up your whole day. I think that is why older people get into a routine. It is like a baseball player, if it works, keep on doing it. That may include a cup of coffee or two in the morning or toast and boisenberry jam, or just reading the newspaper while you are at your business. It is a very important thing.
Now some may say that I should not be talking about stuff like this, but I really don't care. I for one hate having to drop the kids off at the pool anywhere but in my own bathroom. I don't know why but I like to be comfortable. I like to have something to read and I want the bathroom tissue to be of a certain softness but not too cottony. If things are off, or if I have to go like at work, it usually sets my day off on a tilt that never does get back on track.
When it comes to it humans are creatures of habit and when habits are upset it can upset all of life's rhythms. Here is another example: when I am rushed going out of the house in the morning, sometimes I forget if I have locked the door. Now, every morning I lock the door as I leave. Most mornings I remember putting the key in the lock and then locking the door, putting the keys back in my pocket. Some mornings from just being busy or distracted or whatever, I just don't remember if I locked the door. Then for the rest of the morning or until I am distracted, I am going a little nuts because I can not remember. It ends up being where I know that I locked the door but I don't know that I know. You know? Then I think, "Oh yeah, alzheimers" or as my sister calls it "old-timers" and I feel just great. Not! But anyway, I been meaning to write, and I have. I have to do more. Even if it is something stupid. I wouldn't do that would I? Naaa....Laterzzz...
Monday, May 08, 2006
Tired at work and ranting
Wish I could wake up. I am so tired. But what do you want I didn’t get home until 11:30pm and I didn’t get to sleep until after 3am. Believe me, it was not intentional. I just could not fall asleep and it was too late to take an Ambien. So I didn’t get much sleep. Maybe two hours and I am feeling it. Caffeine is not touching this at all. I have drunk two big cups of coffee, each one actually about 18oz or so. I have had to 12oz cans of soda. I am still yawning. It might be time to have a cup of this nasty ass tea that we have here at work. I keep a little in my desk with sugar and I believe creamer for just such emergencies.
slight pause
Ok, back. I had to get up and try to wake up. I am in the process of steeping some tea. It is a really crappy kind that they offer here at work.
another pause
This fucking tea isn’t working! I just can’t seem to damn focus! How much caffine do I have to fucking drink? I am going to go to lunch soon and try to get a rush on.
Longer Pause.
I didn’t go to lunch yet. I have spent the last hour trying not to fall asleep. I have not been totally successful. My eyes keep closing when I blink and I find myself nodding off. I feel I am on the edge of beating it but I just can’t take this. I don’t want to lose my fucking job over a nap. I have been unable to get shit done because I just can’t focus. Have I said that. My God, I can’t even seem to get angry, that sometimes helps but today just isn’t helping. I am going to lunch. First I am gonna go to the bathroom. Then lunch. All this liquid makes me have to pee. To bad it don’t keep me awake. I could seriously just close my eyes right now and go to sleep. This sucks balls.
Pause
A few days later…
Wow, did that day suck. I tell you I am glad that the boss was not watching on that day. I just could not focus. I felt like my head was filled with fuzz, more so than normal. But, I am fine now. I have slept and am mostly alert today. The day is about half over. I think I am in the mood for a hotdog or twenty. I just can’t get enough of the phallus shaped meat products. MMMM that's some good nitrates. Laterzzz…
Friday, May 05, 2006
In memory of...
They say that time heals all wounds. It doesn't. That is a lie. Some wounds get a light scab that scraps off and bleeds at the slightest touch.
I miss her everyday. I wonder what my life would have been if she was still here. I get jealous of people whose mothers are still living. I wonder why mine had to go. Inside, in the darkest, coldest, parts of my heart I am still thirteen and I would kill a million people in a heartbeat for one more hug from my mother. I don't care how that sounds. It's true.
I love you Mom. I miss you.
later...
