Friday, May 05, 2006
In memory of...
My mother died twenty years ago today. I was thirteen. I have spent most of my life without her. Everyday my life is influenced by not having her in it.
They say that time heals all wounds. It doesn't. That is a lie. Some wounds get a light scab that scraps off and bleeds at the slightest touch.
I miss her everyday. I wonder what my life would have been if she was still here. I get jealous of people whose mothers are still living. I wonder why mine had to go. Inside, in the darkest, coldest, parts of my heart I am still thirteen and I would kill a million people in a heartbeat for one more hug from my mother. I don't care how that sounds. It's true.
I love you Mom. I miss you.
later...
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I'm sorry you are hurting today. Someday, when I lose my own mother, I will know exactly how you feel. Until then I can only try to understand.
What I do know is that you also have bright, warm parts of your heart that are also thirteen...and thirty-three...and everything in-between. She put those there when she was living. I hope you can celebrate those parts on the anniversary of your mother's birthday or when other nice things happen.
But, yeah, today is for sadness. I hope you don't mind my intrusion into it, but I thought you might want to know that some of us heard you. And we care.
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What I do know is that you also have bright, warm parts of your heart that are also thirteen...and thirty-three...and everything in-between. She put those there when she was living. I hope you can celebrate those parts on the anniversary of your mother's birthday or when other nice things happen.
But, yeah, today is for sadness. I hope you don't mind my intrusion into it, but I thought you might want to know that some of us heard you. And we care.
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