Brain Splatter

I just can't seem to focus today. I think I am going to have to drink some coffee. Hold on.---Time elapses---Ok, I am back. Got some coffee. Or a coffee like beverage. It's two packages of mocha instant coffee with a package of French vanilla cocoa. Sounds weird? It tastes, ok. Not the best but good enough. I just need a kick in the ass to wake up. I have been here at work and I just havn't been able to focus. I am out of it man. I had some soda and it didn't touch the way I am feeling. I think it is like ADD kicking in.

I want some new music. I haven't really got anything new in a bit and I just want something that is awesome. That is the problem though. There is not much out there right now that I would call awesome as far as music goes. I listen to the radio, and yeah, there are a couple good songs but nothing moves me. A lot of music (top 40) just sounds so redundant and uninteresting. The othere stuff out there that may be kind of new, I just am not feeling. For example I can respect 50 Cent's music, I just ain't in the mood to buy it. At least not to buy it one CD at a time.

I been thinking about an MP3 player. I don't care for the IPOD. I want something more flexible not just something stuck at the whims of Steve Jobs. There are a few that I am looking at but nothing leaps out and goes boo! None seem to combine the things I want, ease of use, battery life, capacity, and most important, sound and price. It is so damn confusing. Never had this problems with cassettes.

I was thinking of joining BMG again. Getting a bunch of music then canceling again. I don't want to deal with downloading. I would need a faster connection and probably a new puter. Who has the time to fuck with that? I don't. At least not yet. Mind still open on the digital music player though. Maybe I will get one for Christmas if I am a good boy?

NOT BLOODY LIKELY! Laterzzz....

// posted by Biff Manly @ 6:31 PM 1 comments

I can never seem to get up in the morning. I just am not a morning type person. I can't see hopping out of bed when the alarm goes off. That is just against my whole character. No matter how many mornings in a row I get up early it never becomes anything less than a challenge. To be honest, the only thing that wakes me up most mornings is the fact that I have to take a squirt.

The flip side of that is that if I have things to do, I like to get them done in the morning as early as possible. Weird, huh? I like to go shopping or do laundry or whatever. The shopping thing especially. I can't stand crowds. I mostly don't like people, so being with all those people in once place makes me want to hit someone. I don't think I could ever get up early and go shopping on a day like today, Black Friday.

I drove past the mall on the way to work. It was packed. And that was at like 830am. The mall doesn't even open on a normal day until 9:30am. You know, it always amuses me that mall and maul sound alike. I mean one is a violent vicious attack and one is something that a bear does to you. Get it....hahahaha. I amuse me.

Toy R Us was also busy. Very busy. It had me thinking that this is what people live for. They live for the copious consumption. For the orgy of retail gluttony fueled by easy credit and low prices. They instill in their children that the holiday and most days are about amassing goods in an unending consumer orgasm or buying and hoarding. Think about it, in the past you bowed down at the alter before your gods, now most people worship at the cash registers of Wal-mart and Target. Enlightenment through speedy check out. Salvation on a sales slip. Amen and pass the ammunition--availible in the sporting goods department, praise Allah.

To be fair, I did get a good deal on a TV once through the Black Friday sales. My sister went to Wal-mart early one morning so I had her pick up the sale TV. It was a semi-decent 20 inch television for like $89. Good deal. I used that TV until it stopped working. I guess it was 3 years but it was on alot, so I figure I got my money's worth.

That is all that I really want. I don't want to get something for nothing. Well, I do but that is only because I am cheap. I know that to get stuff you have to pay for it. To get good stuff sometimes you got to pay a little more but that is a choice. What pisses me off is when you pay your hard earned money and you get ripped off. Or you find what you just bought at a significantly lower price a little later. You feel cheated. You feel ripped the hell off. Sometimes you just feel stupid. It's not good to feel stupid over stuff like that. You should feel stupid over girls. Or guys as the case may be.

I have felt stupid over girls lots of times. I think girls/women may have specifically been put on this world to make guys look and act stupid. God has a sick twisted sense of humor I guess. Especially when it comes to the hot chicks. Don't look at me like that. I am not saying any specific kind of hot chick just hot chicks in general. They can be all sizes and shapes and colors. There are girls that are not considered "classically" beautiful but I would still jump them. Don't spread this around but personality matters. Just a little bit. Sometimes you feel like a dork. Because you know that you are going to act like a jackass. And you try not to act like a jackass but once you are there talking to her, you can almost feel it burned into your forehead--jackass.

Oh. It's a month to Christmas. What'd you buy me? Tell me Laterzzz...

November 24, 2005

Ok. So we have reached another Thanksgiving. I hope that the day saw you and yours with all the best. I had to work. But I made double time and a half so if that isn’t the bright lining I don’t know what is.

Now I do have a very important topic to cover today. I feel that it is a topic that is vital to the nation’s well being if not that of the world. The topic comes down to one simple line with seven simple words:

Don’t put fruit in the fucking stuffing!

Stuffing should not have fruit in it. Plain and simple. Don’t put apples, raisins, dates or figs near my fucking stuffing. If you even bring a cranberry into the same area code I can not be held responsible for what I do.

A stuffing should have meat. Sausage or turkey or whatever. It should be flavored with meat. No vegetarian crap. I don’t really care if the stuffing was cooked in the bird or not. That is what I call personal preference. It should have bread of some sort. Be it crumbs or even the Pepperidge Farms bagged stuff. And then some spices of some kind. If you are reaching for the celery well it better be really small and easy on the onions and mushrooms. Preferably there should be nothing besides sausage in the stuffing that is easily identifiable. That is perfect. That is harmony.

Oh and while I am on the topic, it is called STUFFING, not dressing. Dressing is what you put on a salad. Dressing comes in thousand island, Italian, and blue cheese. The bread product that you jam up a Turkey’s ass is stuffing. Ergo the name. Get it?

Let me relate a story. One year I went over my Aunt’s house. She was so proud of the stuffing she had made. I looked at it and it looked like a loaf of bread had thrown up a fruit salad. There were pears and apples and some other fruity ingredients. To be nice I took a little. Like a teaspoon full. All I could think is that perhaps she had been angry when she was cooking because this stuff had the consistency of apple sauce yet still had the appearance of chunks. Needless to say, I did not have seconds.

My Aunt, who is a nice lady overall really isn’t much of a cook. The horrid part is that she thinks she is. It’s not that she realizes that she’s not very good and tries it’s that she thinks that she is good, but she is not. One year, she had run out of gravy, or didn’t buy any, I can’t remember which. I needed the Heimlich maneuver to get the dry mashed potatoes down. Not good.

I did have good stuffing at her house once. One year she ordered a stuffing off of the QVC. QVC for those of you who don’t know is a network that sells products on TV. Most of the stuff is crap that no one should ever buy and that will never look or taste as good in your home as it does when it is sold by the hosts on QVC. These hosts have smiles welded to their faces and are so peppy and up it is like you gave a squirrel Red Bull.

So she had order the stuffing. She told us that she had and thought we might like to try a little before dinner. I took out my phone and dialed 9-1 just in case but when I tasted it, it was good. Damn good. And you know what? There was no fucking fruit anywhere to be seen. The stuffing was moist and flavorful, had sausage in it, and didn’t even need gravy. The turkey on the other hand would have choked a goat. It sucked the gravy up like a black hole. But that’s another story. Laterzzz…

This is the Nissan Pivo. It is a concept car. That meands that we will probably never see it on a street but then again, who knows? It is electric and it steers by wire, which means instead of the standard guts to steer a car it uses electronics. Fighter jets use it. And so do video games. The part I like is that the cab rotates. So lets say you pull into a parking space. Instead of backing out, the passenger cabin just spins so you can pull out forward. I think that is cool.

I think we need more futuristic stuff. I mean we have all been cheated on space travel and living on the moon. We don't all wear cool metallic jumpsuits. I am not even going to go into how disappointed I am about the lack of flying cars. We need things like moving sidewalks and more dehydrated food to fill the gap. Stuff that comes in tubes is always good for a future kick. That could be why cell phones are so popular. They are one of the only examples of cool technology that everyone can use. I mean your average cell phone is smaller than the communicator that Captain Kirk used on Star Trek. They are not up to the ones on The Next Generation yet but I think that cell phones as jewlery are coming. Hell just look at the Bluetooth headsets.

In conclusion, I think there should be more future type stuff. All except for post-apocolyptic mutants and stuff. It's not that it would not be interesting but I think I can do without World War 3 and those freaky leather biker gangs from Mad Max roving around. Besides, its gotta be a bitch mounting machine guns on the hood of a car. Laterzzz...

Hands down this is an awesome flick. The best damn killers on the run end up in a vampire strip bar movie ever made. And what can I say about the super sexy Selma Hayek? I mean she probably has never or will look better in a movie. Hands down. Well hands somewhere but we won't talk about where right now. I would not have fought having my blood sucked by her and that is the truth. One day she will able to look back and say that is the best I ever looked and you know what, that is pretty damn good.

I on the other hand will look back and think wow, that is the best I ever looked and it really wasn't much. Now that sucks ass. The old phrase is that it is all downhill from here. I guess I am just going to enjoy the ride. Maybe I can make it a wild ride. Want to come with me? I guarantee that we'll have a few drinks, a few jokes, and if I have anything to say about it a whole hell of a lot of fun. Maybe not as much fun as if I got to play with Selma for the weekend but trust me, I will make it entertaining.

Speaking of which I was trying to think of a good movie to go to soon and I can't see that there is anything that I want to see. I mean Harry Potter don't do it for me and I really am not feeling a remake of King Kong. The movie industry is bitching that no one is going to the movies, its because all you have at the movies is mostly awful crap. On toast.

Speaking of things that are crap. Those riots in France. I hear the news on those and it just drives me crazy. I am going to write about that later. I don't feel like going into all that right now. It just pissed me off because this is just a taste of the war to come and people are acting like its just an aberation. Fuck that. These are not rioters. They are at best thugs and criminals and at worst, a foreign invader sent to destroy a country. How long before this happens here? I will say more Laterzzz...

Yup, that time of year. The holiday season is rolling in and I say, "Fuck yeah!" I like Christmas. Of all the holidays it is the best. Hands down. All the other religions are jealous of Christmas. Really. I mean why else would you put your holidays all near our holiday? Jealousy! I mean they could have put Kwanza in March so what's the deal?

Christmas got all the good stuff. We got the good food, the good lights, the cool decorations, mistletoe, and the awesome specials on TV with music. The funny part is a lot of good Christmas movie was written by Jewish guys. But I digress.

You know, I have never been under mistletoe with a random stranger. That sucks. I wouldn't mind the occasional Christmas random liplock. Or semi-random. Hell, I could think of a few girls at work I wouldn't mind playing holiday tonsil hockey with. Not at all. But then you got others where I would have to run like a mother. With all the sexual harrassment stuff I guess the days of the mistletoe are numbered. That and the wild office Christmas party. I have never been to one of those. The places I worked had seriously lame parties. One place (rhymes with al-mart) you couldn't have music playing. You believe that happy crap. Oh, and no alcohol. I think it had to do with the owners being Southern Baptist. They don't know how to party.

Speaking of party, I put up a nice Christmas tree pic. Rockefeller Center in New York City is where this tree is from. You always see the pics of it on TV at this time of year. Shows film near it. They have those lame-ass specials where you have really lame popstars doing some really bad lip-syncing near the tree. The king of bad fake singing though has to be the Thanksgiving day parade. I like the parade mostly for the big balloons and the hope that one of the Radio City Rockettes will do high kicks after having forgotten panties, but aside from that watching the really bad lip-syncing is fun too. Especially when they have some person there who damn near has, "my record company is making me do this shit" tattooed on their foreheads. Plus once Santa goes by it signals the countdown to the most cherish holiday tradition. Black Friday.

Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving where shoppers, who are coming out of their turkey coma, stampede the malls and shopping complexes looking for deals on merchandise. Most of which is made in China. They get up early, and in a frenzy that can only be compared to sharks feeding, storm stores wanting to pick up the sales that most stores have purposly put up like raw meat to lure them in. The fun part is the inevitable stories of people being trampled or beaten by their fellow shoppers when one feels that they have been slighted in their quest to purchase goods. It happens every year, some story of some mother going off because she needs to get the special limited edition Doofus doll and the store only has like five. So violence is defineatly an option because on Christmas morning you don't want to hear your damn whiny kid's mouth if, God forbid, they don't get the latest toy in their giant pile of swag.

If that isn't the true meaning of X-mas I don't know what is. Laterzzz...