Brain Splatter

Baseball season is in full swing. I don't watch much baseball. I think it is far better to watch in person than on TV. Unless you are with a group of people and you have an ice cold beer in front of you. Then baseball isn't too bad.

Living in Connecticut I am right in the middle of baseball country. To the north you have the Boston Red Sox. To the west, the New York Yankees. Hell, you even have the New York Mets if you are so inclined or really hate the Yankees.

When I was a kid I was a Red Sox Fan. I used watch the games when I came home from school and wore the hats. I remember when they went from the red hats to the dark blue hats. I knew the line up and collected baseball cards. I used to have a stack of the gum that came in the cards because I would open the cards faster than I could chew the gum. I would go outside and play baseball with my buddies and pretend that I was Jim Rice or Carlton Fisk. We would play until it got dark and we couldn't see anymore. Then do the same thing the very next day.

It didn't matter that we lived in a not great neighborhood. It didn't matter that we played on an irregular sliver of grass strewn with rocks. It didn't matter that we had whiffle ball bats and balls or tennis balls or that first base was a tree. None of that mattered. We were stupid kids and we had fun.

We knew there were bad people in the world. Like I said it wasn't a great part of town and it was a housing project in Ronald Reagan's America. We knew there were bad people around. People who want to do bad things to little kids. Those people have always been around. That is a fact. We just hear about it more today. But everyone knows...it has always been that way. Even if it wasn't some pervert, there were people and places you just didn't go if you could help it. There have always been bullies or just people who get off on making other people hurt because they can.

But we still went outside. We still grabbed our bikes and rode all around, up and down hills, on the street, and never wearing a helmet. Who the hell would have thought to wear a helmet. If you tried to jump something on your bike and you fell...then you fell. You bled a little and got up. Hopefully you weren't wearing your school clothes so the rip in your jeans was no big deal.

That is almost a non-existent phrase nowadays. Kids are almost in prison. Even when they are allowed outside they have to wear helmets and knee pads and skate or bike in approved allowed areas. Yes, there are pervs out there so there and bulling isn't cool either but it does happen. The thing you have to learn when you are a kid is how to avoid bad situations. If you do stupid things, listen to stupid or scary people bad things happen.When every play date is arranged, when every activity is supervised, when every scrape is sanitized when do you learn the hard lessons in life?

I think it is better to get a taste of that when you are young than have it hit you unaware later. You have to learn that life isn't always nice and sanitized. You have to learn that there are people out there who are willing to hurt you just because they can. If you don't believe me look at Natalie Holloway.

From everything I have read about her or seen on TV, she grew up in a privileged suburban paradise. She was pretty, popular, if not rich then at least well off. But she didn't have street smarts. If you have street smarts, you don't get into a car in a foreign country when you been drinking.

Sometimes things do happen to you that you have no control over. And being paranoid all the time is not the way to live your life. You do have to, in the words of the Boy Scout motto,"Be Prepared". I believe that goes for mentally as well as physically. I also think that America, as a whole, is unprepared.

With all that is going on in the world, we have grown soft. Let's be honest, you may not like Bin Laden. You may say many things about his character, but soft is not one of them. America used to be hard. We were cowboys and steelworkers. Now we are lawyers and keypushers. We click and paste, file in triplicate, and endlessly litigate.

I don't know. I just see think that in America standing up for a principle, having honor, doing things for others, is almost ridiculed. Why should you respect the belief of someone who has a stupid opinion. I think everyone has the right to say or do what they want but that doesn't make it valid. If you call a roast beef sandwich a grilled cheese it don't make it so. And I don't have to agree with you because you are a dumbass.

But what does any of this have to do with baseball? Nothing. I was just writing and I went with what came into my mind. I do think making kids wear helmets to do just about everything is moronic though. I think that if you teach your kids about things instead of sheltering them they will make better choices. I do think we are a nation of wusses (myself included). I think America is the best country on Earth and the more we let people corrupt it, the more we let just a few run things, or let money have the final say in everything, or let invaders from outside the country dictate what happens, the more we are in danger of losing America.

And we can. Easy. History is full of empires and dynasties and countries that lasted a hell of a lot longer and are now gone.Is that where America is going? Laterzzz...

// posted by Biff Manly @ 6:02 AM 0 comments

That is not true. Part of me had a great deal of intention to answer. That part wanted to answer and say, "What the fuck are you doing calling me at 10:13 am?" I let the voicemail take it. Then I listened to the message, and I got really pissed.

It was about nothing. Well, better to say it was about nothing important. One of the "people" (I am going to try to be nice) I work with, called to ask about a scheduling question. And it wasn't a hard question! There is a manager in the office who makes way more fucking money than I do, ask her!

This is the point in the rant where I remind the kind reader that I make dick. Hell, I don't even think I make enough to qualify for making dick. I sure as hell don't get paid to answer questions when I am not on the clock. And I doubly sure as double hell don't get paid enough to answer idiotic questions at 10:13 am in the morning. If you pay me more money and make it part of the job, yeah, I will answer, but until that day comes along my fat ass is not answering the phone; and I didn't call back.

I chose not to call back because I think I would have lost my temper. I been kind of in a mood lately. I am trying to get my shit together still (it is a journey not a destination is how I am looking at it right now), and I was going to get up today and try to get some cleaning and some organizing of my apartment done. Like I said earlier, I don't like wasting the daylight. So after I was fuming for a bit and choosing not to call I fell back asleep. So it goes...

I then did get up and started to do laundry and clean my damn house. It is weird for such a small place and for the fact that I don't seem to buy that much stuff, I do have a lot of clutter. Maybe the outward chaos of my apartment is a reflection of the inner chaos that I have inside? Or maybe I am just a lazy bastard? Can it be two things? Let's go with that then.

I was just wondering to myself what I am going to say to the person who called me tomorrow? I mean do I say the old standard,"I didn't get you message until later."? Or do I actually tell the truth but couch it as a joke, "I saw that it was you and decided not to answer...haha."? It would be great if we lived in a society where I could just say the truth but not as a joke and then add, "Yeah, and for the record...how retarded are you to call me on my day off for such a stupid question, or even at all?"

The problem with that is that I know how retarded she is and we don't live in that kind of society. I think people like to be lied to. They want to know that everything is fine and that there is nothing to worry about.

Most times, the worst thing you can ever say to a person is the truth. Don't believe me? Then imagine telling your sister her husband is cheating on her. How about something less devastating? How many people would tell someone that they have a big booger hanging from their nose. Most people would just ignore it or maybe wipe their own nose to subconsciously indicate the hanger. Yeah, you want to save a person from embarrassment but it is also because sometimes telling people the truth is hurtful. It is much easier to just stick our heads in the sand like an ostrich.

There is an old saying, 'Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies'. Is that the kind of world you want to live in? A world where we ignore the truth until a problem bites us on the ass? I don't. I think that is why I am trying to be better than I have been. I want to be a person who does tell the truth because they have nothing to fear. Fear is the father of lies.

I will be honest. I probably won't go in and say I didn't call because I didn't want to be bothered. I will probably make a joke. On some level I will be mad at myself and move on. Why? Because, I am not at a point where I can just say what is on my mind and let the chips fall where they may. I might make dick, but I need that little bit of cash to put a roof over my head and right now, I fear losing it. Most of us do. It is called not rocking the boat.

But hopefully, sooner rather than later I will be to a point where I can rock the boat. I will turn that mother over. I have looked inside myself, and yes I have seen things that I do not like, so I am changing them. Or at least trying to.

Have you?

Laterzzz...

this rant went to a weird place...I was going to edit it but then I thought it is about being honest to myself...so it goes...

I am sure there are scholars out there who study how holidays occur and what the original manifestations were behind them. I am sure that they could tell us why the Easter Bunny became a focus of a tradition but I don’t care what they would say. If you want to read their opinions go read their blogs.

This is my theory: when Jesus H. Christ came out of the tomb after being crucified, scourged, stabbed and generally made to feel really, really bad, I bet he wanted a snack. He was probably quite hungry. (That is what the H stands for in Jesus H. Christ…hungry). And being his last meal was at Passover I bet he was craving some junk food, probably something sweet. Now they didn’t have chocolate back then but I am sure the newly arisen Savior would have found something tasty, which I am sure he had to search for. And it was in the morning so I am sure a nice boiled egg would have done him just right to go along with his sweets. And so, a tradition is born.

OK, enough with the blasphemy, or is that sacrilege? I get the two confused. Anyway the tradition that I miss from when I was a kid is that we would eat kielbasa at Easter. It was these big Polish kielbasa that were so good. My dad would get a bunch of them from the butcher and you could eat them right out of the fridge but the best way was to boil them and eat them with hard boiled eggs. I think the butcher that my dad got them from is closed now. He either retired or passed away or both. It was from Soltz meat market. I think they also had a kosher butcher shop too. So I can't get kielbasa from there, but I was reading an article about a place not that far from here where they sell them. According to the article, the shop sells out of the kielbasa for the weeks leading up to Easter. Maybe next year, if I am still in CT I will have to take a trip there. Is it wrong to be wistful about a Polish sausage? If so I don't care. It represents some of the best times that I ever had with my family. Food can do that, it not only nourishes the body but it can be a signpost that leads to connections of memory. Maybe that is why sometimes it is so easy to find solace in food? Or at least to try?

Speaking of finding solace, I bought some beer yesterday and wouldn't you know it, I forgot to put it in the fucking refrigerator. Oh well, guess I am just gonna have to drink the scotch that I have instead. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices. I did get the good beer though. I got some Killian's Irish Red. Very good. I was going to get some Coors light but they didn't have bottles. I don't drink much but when I do I like to drink it out of a bottle. I think it tastes better and I think it is just classier. Yes, I said drinking beer out of a bottle is classier than out of a can...you got a problem with that? I don't know if cans do or don't impart a different taste but if there is no difference then why the choice? Why do sometimes bottles cost more? I really don't know the reason for the bottles I just know I like what I like. I was going to get some Mike's Hard Lemonade which is totally great but it was too expensive. I will not pay $15.99 for a fucking 12 pack. Maybe for a 12 pack of hot sexy strippers but not for alcohol. I got standards. And if there are any hot sexy strippers out there who are into somewhat witty, semi-meglomaniacal , but basically okay guys with a dark side, uh...well, leave me a comment.

Actually, you don't have to be a stripper to leave me a comment. If you read my rant and would like to suggest something like a topic or that I should go straight to hell them please let me know. Am I begging? Well maybe a little. I crave the attention and the accolades. And if you believe that you have not been reading because I don't really care one way or another. I write because I like to. If you read for the same reason, then, Thank you. If you don't read this then I don't really care because you obviously have no taste. Unlike my balls...which you can lick. Non-rant reading motherfuckers...piss me off....Laterzzz...

// posted by Biff Manly @ 3:11 AM 4 comments

The foreign invaders (oh you know them as Illegal Immigrants) are still marching. Seems to me if they are so busy doing jobs that no American wants, why do they have so much free time in which to protest? I did come up witha way to solve the problem though. Ok, what you have to do is secure the border. That entails building a wall. What American worker would want to be out in the hot desert building a wall, so you will have to use illegals. What you do is, and this is the genius part, when the wall is done you get all the workers together for a group picture on the South side of the wall. Then you are like Ha ha! We got you. You can't come back across suckers! Tell me that is not brilliant? You get the wall built and deport a whole bunch of illegals.

I saw Tom Cruise on TV as I left the employee cafeteria. He was being interviewed by one of those blond reporter type people. I don't know which one, they are all the same bunch of talking heads. I am sick and tired of celebrity happenings being treated as "news". News is important. Tom Cruise being a nutty religious guy isn't. The only reason he is on is because he has to make nice because his crappy film is coming out and he wants people to go see it and not stay away because he is such a freakazoid. Now I don't know Scientology and don't care. All religion is a money making scheme on some level. So what is the big hubbub about that one. I think I know what it is. Scientologists have a problem with psychology and psychiatry and the drugs they peddle. I can understand that. Most therapist are, in fact, a waste of skin who don't help anyone. They just leach on and suck on the money fountain until it runs dry. Or they just push pills. The worst are people who go into the field of Child Therapy. They are mostly losers who couldn't or wouldn't know their asses from a hole in the ground if they weren't given a map. Is it any coincidence that THERAPIST with one space added spells, THE RAPIST? I don't think so.

I got more thoughts but I am done for now. Laterzzz...

// posted by Biff Manly @ 4:13 AM 0 comments

Last night, we set the clocks ahead. That means that you lost an hour of your life that you will never get back. Kind of sad, right? No it's not! It means that it is Spring and to quote the great romantic poet Pepe' le Pew, in the spring a young man's fancy turns to love.

OK, not love but sex. In Spring everything in the world start to fuck. (Except me. But that is neither here nor there). The trees bloom, flowers burst forth with all there pistols and stamens,(is that how those are spelled?), and the birds and bees start getting it on like, well, birds and bees.

I do enjoy when spring comes. It is like the world wakes up. But the one thing that I could do without is the fucking flies. I hate flies. They annoy the piss out of me. I don't have a screen door on my apartment so I don't get to have the door open but it seems like every day time that I do open the door a fly comes in. Then I lay down to watch TV and they start flying in front of the screen. It drives me fucking insane. I don't like bugs on me anyway. And I must be all super sweet because the flies just love me. Or I am a big pile of shit because as the old saying goes, "You can catch more flies with honey then with vinegar, but you can catch even more with shit."

OK, time to get my mind out of the gutter. Even though I really like it to be there. I had today off. I had yesterday off. I have tomorrow off. Yay for me. I heard that us Americans are now working harder for less. We are working longer hours and still not getting ahead. So, I figure what the hell is the point of busting my ass and still not getting ahead when I can take it easy and arrive at the exact same place? Exactly. I know I am a genius, just send me money.

Dammit. I don't know what else to write right now. I think all the blood is living in another part of my body right now. One thing I have found, is that when I have the day off I do have the energy to masturbate more. When I have to work sometimes I am just so tired that I can't even find the will to toss off. It's not that I am not horny; after working all day I just feel mentally wasted. If I had someone to rub against that might make it easier but when it is just you, the little guy, and porno that you have seen over and over, it just doesn't seem worth the effort. Then other days, especially after a "dry" spell, all I can think about uh, popping the cork on my champagne bottle, if you will allow me the overly elaborate metaphor.

Now don't email me or comment negatively about masturbation. Not that I think you would. I just want to say for the record I am pro-orgasm. Hell, I want to start a pro-orgasm movement. I think that there should be more orgasms in the world. If you find someone who is all uptight, I bet they are not getting off enough. That is just my opinion. And for all those religious nuts out there: God made the fun parts of our anatomy. In Her image. And then She put them in an easily accessible part of the body and made it possible to get a certain reaction from those fun parts by doing certain things to them. So I say it is my right, hell, it is my duty to God Herself to get off as much as I can. If I can do it with another person that is even better but beggars cannot be choosers. Laterzzz...

// posted by Biff Manly @ 1:27 AM 0 comments