Monday, April 03, 2006
Spring Forward
Last night, we set the clocks ahead. That means that you lost an hour of your life that you will never get back. Kind of sad, right? No it's not! It means that it is Spring and to quote the great romantic poet Pepe' le Pew, in the spring a young man's fancy turns to love.
OK, not love but sex. In Spring everything in the world start to fuck. (Except me. But that is neither here nor there). The trees bloom, flowers burst forth with all there pistols and stamens,(is that how those are spelled?), and the birds and bees start getting it on like, well, birds and bees.
I do enjoy when spring comes. It is like the world wakes up. But the one thing that I could do without is the fucking flies. I hate flies. They annoy the piss out of me. I don't have a screen door on my apartment so I don't get to have the door open but it seems like every day time that I do open the door a fly comes in. Then I lay down to watch TV and they start flying in front of the screen. It drives me fucking insane. I don't like bugs on me anyway. And I must be all super sweet because the flies just love me. Or I am a big pile of shit because as the old saying goes, "You can catch more flies with honey then with vinegar, but you can catch even more with shit."
OK, time to get my mind out of the gutter. Even though I really like it to be there. I had today off. I had yesterday off. I have tomorrow off. Yay for me. I heard that us Americans are now working harder for less. We are working longer hours and still not getting ahead. So, I figure what the hell is the point of busting my ass and still not getting ahead when I can take it easy and arrive at the exact same place? Exactly. I know I am a genius, just send me money.
Dammit. I don't know what else to write right now. I think all the blood is living in another part of my body right now. One thing I have found, is that when I have the day off I do have the energy to masturbate more. When I have to work sometimes I am just so tired that I can't even find the will to toss off. It's not that I am not horny; after working all day I just feel mentally wasted. If I had someone to rub against that might make it easier but when it is just you, the little guy, and porno that you have seen over and over, it just doesn't seem worth the effort. Then other days, especially after a "dry" spell, all I can think about uh, popping the cork on my champagne bottle, if you will allow me the overly elaborate metaphor.
Now don't email me or comment negatively about masturbation. Not that I think you would. I just want to say for the record I am pro-orgasm. Hell, I want to start a pro-orgasm movement. I think that there should be more orgasms in the world. If you find someone who is all uptight, I bet they are not getting off enough. That is just my opinion. And for all those religious nuts out there: God made the fun parts of our anatomy. In Her image. And then She put them in an easily accessible part of the body and made it possible to get a certain reaction from those fun parts by doing certain things to them. So I say it is my right, hell, it is my duty to God Herself to get off as much as I can. If I can do it with another person that is even better but beggars cannot be choosers. Laterzzz...
