Brain Splatter

Happy Fucking New Year Bitches! How the hell are you? I am all kinds of OK. I am not working for two days. I got a quantity of alcohol and all signs seem to point to me making it into another year successfully. So I guess things are going fine. I guess the only down side is I don't think I am going to get any lovin tonight, at least not with a partner, but all is OK. I might head out with my cousin in a bit. Have to see. Even if I stay home its all good though.

Why you say? Well, I don't really know why. I seem to be in something resembling a good mood if that is all right with you. I am not particularly pissed at anything. I am listening to a CD my sister got me for Christmas.(Curtain Call by Eminem). I do have a story to tell about that though.

OK. If you have read some of my shit you know that I got a sister. Her name is Lisa. Lisa Manly. Hahaha, that cracks me up. Anyway, I love her to death. But she has issues. Mostly with me. So she gives me an MP3 player for Christmas. Great gift. It was an IRIVER or something. It was about 500mb which equals about 250 songs. Then I open my mouth. My cousin had given me a "mobiBlu" MP3 player. It holds about a gigabyte or 500 songs. She saw that and took her player back. Not to exchange and get me something else but for HER to keep and exchange for something else. Yup, she kept the fucking thing. She said she might get herself satalite radio for inside her place so she can hook it up to her stereo. You believe that? If I had just shut up I could have kept it, but no. I should have known she would take it back. That is Lisa in a nutshell.

Now I don't want you thinking she is a bad person. She just has issues like I said. I guess we have a lot in common. We both see the world a certain way and fuck you if you don't like it. Now you might be wondering why I didn't object too much about her taking it back. Well, she had got me a pair of boots and a couple of CD's and my gift was a case of beer. Hey money was tight and I don't get paid till this week. Now I think I might just get her more beer and call it even.

Yes, I know it ain't about the price of the gift but hey, you ain't never heard of someone taking the gift back have you? I didn't think so. I mean, I would have exchanged the player. I want a new razor. I suggested it to her she said no, she wasn't giving it back. You know. The more I type this the more fucked up I realize this is. I didn't get angry then, and I am not really angry now about it. I don't know. I guess when it is the thought that counts it's not worth the argument. I could use a new VCR though. But I guess it is too late. She has the player. She may or may not have the receipt. But I do have my MP3 player. I am gonna open it tomorrow and I will tell you whether it sucks or not. If I can get it to work with this old computer. Keep your finger crossed for me.

I want to wish you all a good New Year. Find someone you love or someone you care about and tell them tomorrow. Nothing lasts forever. Take the opportunity while you can. Laterzzz...

OK, little update. I am feeling much better. Thank you all for all your well wishes.

Hell, what am I saying? You people wished me nothing but evil! I spit on you with my infected spit. Ack-POO!

Ok, enough of the paranoia. I hope that you all have a great Christmas. I never did get around to posting my Christmas wish, so I will do so now.

Now I could have wished for money or lots of sex with many willing women who would feed me good food and think I was incredibly witty and sexy. (Hey wishes can pass into fantasy territory right?) What I really would like would have been an old fashioned Christmas like when I was a kid. I miss my Mom and Dad so damn much and I hurt every year because not only do I not get to spend it with them but I also don't get to carry on the traditions of inviting people over and making my house the place that everybody looks forward to coming to. I miss that more than I will ever be able to say. I envy people who take their loved ones for granted. I know it isn't easy to remember sometimes but you got to try not to. And if you can remember at least at this time of year to tell someone who really means a lot to you that they do mean a lot then I say that is better than nothing. And nothing ,believe me, sucks.

I think that is it for now. Laterzzz...

// posted by Biff Manly @ 3:33 AM 0 comments

I got this friend, she wants me to write about my Christmas Wish. I want to, but I just can't. I just can't focus right now. Why?

Because, I am sick. So I am going to rant about being sick.

I fucking hate being sick. How the fuck can a nose produce so much fucking snot? Why is it if I got all this lung butter why can't the stuff just come out instead of feeling like someone is jamming a fucking spike in my chest? I can't breath through my fucking nose, so now my lips are chapped and my fucking throat is sore. What the fuck is post-nasel-drip? Who the fuck invented this and why the fuck has nothing been done to kill that person? Not even gonna get into the fact that my body hurts and I can't get comfortable. Then my voice starts to fucking go. Sounds like I am gargling with glass.

Me--"Crooooooaaaaaaaaakkkkk"

What the fuck? And of course you have to go to a doctor to get the good drugs. Why can't you buy fucking codine over the counter? I can fucking buy tequilla? I mean shit, we are taxpaying adults. Why should anything that we choose to take be fucking illegal? I want a government that protects me from being fucking invaded, I don't need a fucking nanny. Unless she is hot. And into spongebaths. Giving or receiving, I don't care. Actually right now I wouldn't mind a nice rubdown. As long as it ended with a happy ending and I ain't talking about some motherfucker finding Nemo.

It just pisses me off. When I am sick I have an extremly low tolerance for being pissed off. And with my fucking voice fucked up and my throat all torn up it doesn't help. Fuck...some morphine would be good now. Not that I am in pain, I just think a nice hit would hit the spot. Maybe some Nyquil. That shit knocks you the hell out. They should sell it in 40oz size. All the playas would like that. Ok. Enough. I am over this typing shit. Laterzzz....

Just another case of foolishness gone wrong. I was watching CNN and you may have saw the clip of the window washers who were out on the rig and the wind started blowing the rig around. They had quite a ride. I know I would have been blowing chunks. But some firemen saved them and there was a happy ending. Not the oriental massage version but you get the idea. Oh wait, except the company these two guys works for, offered them a dollar an hour extra not to sue. They both declined that oh, so generous offer and have both acquired legal consul. I guess they are going to say they were forced to work under unsafe conditions. Neither of these guys is from America or speak English. I assume they are legal. Does it make a difference? I have to say yes. If they weren't supposed to be here then they shouldn't have been there. If you follow my meaning. But if they legal then I say,"Viva la lawsuit!"

Let's see. What else. I watched some movies recently. Dukes of Hazzard, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Starskey and Hutch. Was in a comedy remake kind of mood. The surprising thing is that none of them sucked. They were just throw away movies. Watchable but not earth shaking. I recommend them if you are bored and want to watch a harmless movie. The highlights were, respectively: in Dukes, the car and Jessica Simpson's uh...charms. Angelina Jolie's charms and Vince Vaughn, and the car, Snoop Dogg, and Vince Vaughn in S&H. It just occurred to me that two of the movies were based on shows with a distinctive auto. Can Knight Rider be far away?

I do like the car movie. I think the two best ever have to be The Cannonball Run and Smokey and the Bandit. Oh, hell yeah! I can watch those two over and over. Nothing was cooler than Burt Reynolds in those movies. I think he may have been the last of the great movie stars who could open a movie and guarantee it making money on his name alone. There is no one like that now. Maybe Tom Cruise, but he has had some flops. So maybe not.

Before I wrap up. I want to give a shout out to the people who I hope are reading this. Thanks. It means alot to me. I will try to write more often. Shit, I need to goof off at work more and leave the actual working to others. If there is something you want me to mention, leave a comment. Peer pressure works for drugs so it might work for my rants. Oh, and naked pictures (female, dammit) are always welcome! If you are hot. Let's be real. Laterzzz....

I was going to write yesterday about something I did when I came home that totally kicked ass. It was something that was so decadent and luxurious that I am almost ashamed to say. It felt so good. Really good. What was it? I took a nap.

Yup, I came home, sat in my comfy chair, read a chapter of the book that I been reading, and then promptly fell asleep. I guess I got home at about quarter after five. I was asleep by six. Slept until about nine. Still in my work clothes. And it felt so damn good. Not covered in massage oil frolicking on the slip and slide naked with two or three pornstars good. But good non-the-less.So like I said, I was going to write about it. But then I fell asleep. So it goes.

On another level of things that feel good, or in this case taste good, here where I work was employee shopping day. That means there were discounts at the stores in the mall here. I didn't buy anything except for one thing. I went to Ben and Jerry's and got a milkshake. A large milkshake to be specific. A large New York Fudge Chunk shake to be even more specific. This shake normally runs for about $6.50. I paid like $2.60. It was 60% off. That's a bargain I don't care how you slice it. And let me tell you it was delicious. Very, very good. It was lick the straw good. It was when you are finished you look in the bottom of the cup because you can't believe that was all and you are done good. I could have got another. I should have got another. I don't want to make a pig of myself though. That wouldn't be right now would it?

I think Ben and Jerry's milkshakes and their ice cream is about as close as you can come to packaging sex and selling it. Really. It is that luxurious.Look how they compare: It always leaves you wanting more. When you are eating it you can't believe that it is that good and you really don't ever want it to end. When you haven't had it in a while, you have to take it slow because you want to enjoy it, not just get though to the end and maybe not experience it fully. It's always best to share with someone that you are close to and preferably when they are naked.

Damn, shoulda had another shake. Laterzzz...