Thursday, December 31, 2009
Balls
I think with my balls. Yes, I said it.
I am not driven by them in every aspect of the world. I do have a mind. I don't follow around my dick like it was the only street sign on an unfamiliar road with arrows pointing to the nearest towns. But they do influence a lot of my day.
I have found though that if my balls are happy I am happy. If my balls are sad. I, am sad.
If they itch, do I not scratch?
I know there are times when I am about to have a panic attack, one of the places I feel it is in my balls. The skin pulls up as the fear and terror chemicals rush into my system. It must be part of the old flight or fight reaction. I do know that sometimes I will feel anxious and everything is OK. Once the skin on the balls tightens and they pull up, yeah, it's gonna be a bad one.
Quick Joke--Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? They don't have balls to scratch.
Seriously, and maybe unfortunately I don't think about my balls unless something is wrong. For example, I have sat on my balls before. I think every guy has. For some reason you get one of those days when they are just hanging wrong and you sit and one of the boys just wasn't out of the way. That is not fun. Also when one of them somehow gets between or out of the elastic of my underwear. That is just awful. They say that men should wear boxers because of sperm count issues but boxers just don't support the junk the same. Swinging loose has its place don't get me wrong, but I do prefer briefs. Besides if I want to swing loose I can just go commando. That does prevent another bad scene that happens sometimes in summer--the front wedgie. If you have had a rear wedgie, and who hasn't? It's the same with the front except with the balls and sack. It's just not fun to have uncomfortable testicles.
That brings us to sex. The true purpose for balls. I could write about sex. About how the balls pull tight, loosen, swing, move, slap, and whatever. I could talk about how good it feels when someone else gets around to handling something that is mostly yours most of the time. The only problem is, it's been so long I have totally forgot what that was like. I need to find someone to be kind to my testicles for me. I am tired of being the only one to appreciate them. I think I have a new years resolution right there. Laterzzz...
P.S.--I didn't really cover women and balls. I think mostly because as long as they aren't punching them, kicking them, or biting them woman and balls live a harmonious life. I have found that a woman will usually threaten to "cut your dick off" before she makes a threat toward the balls.
P.P.S--At the same time, I do want to find a woman to be nice to my balls. Maybe Sarah Palin. She supported Teabaggers. Laterzzz 2.
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