Brain Splatter

Isn't this a great post? See this is the shit I have been dealing with all day hear at work. I haven't really been concentrating because I have been wiping my nose every few minutes. And since I don't really feel "sick" per se, I think of this as more of a nuisance. And nuisances are annoying.

Ok, there will be a pause here. My ass is going home and I am tired and hungry. How about some Chinese food? Some General Tso's chicken? Yummy.

So, I ordered the Chinese food. Pulled out a tasty looking eggroll and took a bite...nothing. No fucking taste. I am hungry as I have been in a while and have some delicious high in calorie Chinese food and my fucking taste buds decide this is the fucking time to take the day off. Just my fucking luck.

Oh, and check this one out. I am waiting to leave work because I take the bus home and on the weekend sometimes it comes early. So I am waiting for the next people to come in and they don't show. Ten of four...nothing. Five of...still nothing. At four I told the boss #2 that I had to go that they would be there in a minute. I mean shit, I GOT A FUCKING BUS TO CATCH! So I dash. I pash the guy in the hall and then right before I round the corner I pass the chick. I got no time for conversation, I am listening to Rage Against the Machine on my headset and I am walking with a purpose. For some reason even though my head was sick my legs felt good and I seemed to have energy. So I moved my ass, got to the employee shuttle, willed the fucker driving to stop waiting for stragglers and made it to the public bus on time.

As I am getting on the public bus I notice that the front windows are kind of foggy. See, it was cold and raining like a motherfucker. After two weeks of fucking ass crack humidity it gets cold on the day I am fucking sick.

So we pull up to the public bus stop and the bus sits there. Turns out the defroster on the bus is broken. The heat on the bus is blaring hot but the fucking defroster isn't working. I am thinking two things. (A) Wipe the fucking window and let's get going and (B) if you fucking turn off the heat, open the windows the temperature inside and out will even out...no more foggy window. Does that happen? Nope. They call for a new fucking bus.

So we sit there and wait. Now the bus that gets me from work into my town is different from the one that takes me to my street. I am not the only one. So all I am thinking is that great, I am going to have to stand in a damn downpour. The new bus arrives and then we make a dash for home. We take the short route back to town.

The good new is that the buses that where down there waited for the people who had to transfer. The bad news is that when we got to my street the downpour was epic. The street was flooding. I damn near would have had to swim across to get to my street and then up my hill to my parking lot. So I stayed on the bus. Yup, I road the fucking thing for another fucking hour. Finally when it got back to my stop, I got out and it was just drizzling a little. The flooding on the street had gone down.

Then I came in, ordered my Chinese food, laid down, and started shivering. I think I have a fever. Just what I need. So, I tried to eat my food, couldn't taste it, so I had some of the white rice just to satiate my hunger. Then I laid back down and covered myself with flannel sheet. And so it goes...

Oh by the way, on top of that, my cell phone broke. It still works but it is a flip phone and one side of the flip part broke. Apparently not the part with the speaker wire but how long until the rest goes? Just one of those days. I am going to see about catching some ZZZ's soon so I am done here. Laterzzz...

// posted by Biff Manly @ 8:46 PM 2 comments

I just want a shotgun. I mean, what happens when the zombies come? The dead are walking and I don't have a shotgun, my ass would be ate. That just isn't right. Or what happens when society collapses. You always got to have a shotgun in the closet so that you can fight off the rampaging mobs. That's what all the movies say.

Seriously though, I am not a gun nut. I am not a card carrying member of the NRA or anything but I do believe it is every American's right to carry a gun. I don't think anyone needs rocket launchers or anything like that, but it would make the fourth of July kind of amusing, wouldn't it?

And what happens when law and order break down? Can't happen? Did anyone watch the news last year? A couple of little things called Katrina and Rita? When society breaks down and it becomes dog eat dog again, this fucking dog wants a t 12 gauge. That might be pessimistic but I really don't care.

The movie that the quote from the beginning is from is "True Romance". Great movie. I give it a 10, which if you know Brainsplatter rating scale means that you can watch that mother over and over. It is the best Christian Slater move ever. EVER! OK, that isn't saying much, but it is a great movie. See it with someone you love. Or want to love. Or like. Just fucking see it! Dammit, don't piss me off...Laterzzz...

Laterzzz...v.2.0

// posted by Biff Manly @ 1:36 AM 0 comments