Brain Splatter

I will not watch any show that is the hot show. If it is a show that everyone is talking about and can't miss, odds are it is a boring piece of crap and I am not just going to follow the herd.

I will not watch a show with a failed movie actress. Especially if she plays some kind of doctor or lawyer coming back to her hometown and has to deal with her family after a death or maybe they are just estranged.

I will not watch any reality show. I will especially not watch a reality show where people do stuff with a celebrity. Or as the case may be a psudo-celebrity. I do not care to see them dancing, losing, skating, cooking; I will not won't not Sam I am.

I won't watch anything on CBS, other than sports. If you are watching something on that network you are old. I don't care. That network has always been for old people who got nervous moving their dial up past ten and it still is.

Just because I have a penis (yeah I still do, little worried there) does not mean that I have to only watch sports. I don't have to be drawn to sports or Sportscenter or any other thing with the word sport in the title,like a moth to a flame. Watching endless replays of collage games and recaps and then people talking about sports. It's god awful and endless. I don't care. Revoke my membership in the guy club. I'll go hang out with the chicks. Speaking of which, when I do watch sports, I really have a hard time listening to women talk sports. And a female play by play announcer? Come on. That just isn't right. I know there are plenty of women who know a hell of a lot more about sports than I do. I am comfortable with that, but it just doesn't sound right them announcing men's sports. Female sports? Go ahead. There isn't anyone watching those anyway.

I do like cooking shows. This might relate to the one above as far as my guy memebersship but look at it this way, we all have to eat. I like the Iron Chef, Emeril, America's Test Kitchen. I like to see some of those shows where they cook the food and then when they are done, you look at the food and think, I wouldn't even know how to eat that. I do like the ones where they give you tips and you think, yeah, I could do that the next time that I cook.

I like watching stuff on Discovery, Learning, and other science stuff. I don't like seeing things about the end of the world. You get a scientist saying a plague could and will kill everything and he has that look in his eye like,"isn't that cool?" It like why don't you fuckers come up with ways to stop the fucking giant asteroid and stop trying to figure out if it wiped out all or most of the dinosaurs?

Wouldn't it be cool if the music video channels actually played music videos? I mean every year they have the music video awards. Showing a video might be a good idea.

I want more nudity on TV. Lots more. For no reason. And I don't want to pay extra. So there. It can be after 10pm. That's fine. Oh, yeah. Female nudity. Why can you show guy butt and chest but not female. Hardly fair. I say equal rights. Show some boobage.

Those little identifiers in the corner of the screen really are annoying. I don't care that there is so many channels and they want you to know what channel you are watching. They get annoying. And those scrolls on the bottom of the screen are mostly un-useful too. Maybe one day you will be about to pick and choose what is on your screen. That's what they say at least.

The only other thing when it comes to TV is that I have to have the remote control. I don't care. Call me a fucking pig but I will have the remote. And I will change the TV during commercials. And even if I miss the re-start of the program that is on while I am surfing, I don't care. I will have the power...muuhoohahahahaha(evil laugh,evil laugh). Yup, it's all about me. Happy television watching. Laterzzz...

// posted by Biff Manly @ 6:10 AM