Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Here come de Judge...
I could be a judge. Not just any judge but one on the Supreme Court. Now that would be sweet! A job that you can't be fired from and don't have to really be that competent to do. All you got to do is be like, "yup that's cool with the constitution, rock on" or "nope, you can't do that according to the constitution, you suck, now die." Plus, and here is the selling point for me, you can be totally nude under your robe. Come on that is awesome.
I could also judge stuff like bikini contests in my spare time. Or chili cookoffs. Rib cookoffs. Come on who would want Surpreme Court Judge Biff at there hella fine barbecue showdown? I think I would be fucking outstanding. I would get a cool license plate that said "Love Judge". And I could use phrases like, "I'll be the judge of that." Did I mention that I could be totally nude under my robe? Because getting to go to work and not having to put on pants is really a big plus. Oh, and come on. You can't tell me that a Supreme Court Judge isn't gonna get some tail. You show up at a club, talk to some hottie, she's like what do you do? I would be all Supreme Court baby, wanna touch my gavel? You would totally be able to hit that! That would so kick ass!
Why do I bring this up? I was watching some of the hearing on TV where members of Congress are asking that Judge Alito (gonna have to look that one up, ok it's right now) questions to see whether or not he can move to the bonus round where he gets to be on the Supreme court. From what I can figure out watching it, the members of Congress depending on if they are Democrats or Republicans ask him various questions in which case his job is to give a lengthy answer but not to actually say anything.
For example a Democrat will ask, "Given your conservative views are you going to take away a woman's God given right to have control over her body and impose your morality on her by overturning Roe V. Wade?" At which point he answer," Blah blah blah....yadda yadda....probably, maybe...yadda blah blah." Except for a much longer time.
Then the Republicans go, "Given that the President rocks, and you rock because the President rocks, if Roe v. Wade came up and you overturned it and we had to start killing all women, in Jesus's name, that might have a differing opinion but we blamed it on the war on Terror would it be ok to torture so-called American citizens as long as the President and Vice-President, who also rocks, said it was ok?"
And our candidate boy says, "Blah times 20, yahha times 40, sure why not, Hail Bush, blah." And so it goes.
"Biff," you say, "that is not exactly a fair and balanced commentary right there, dude." You are right. I do believe that what you do with your own damn body is no bodies business but your own. And until men start carrying kids they have less to say about it than the price of jellybeans. At least until they are asked to pay for it. Because let's face it. One way a women can get her hands around a man's throat is by having his kid. And let's be even more honest, there are women who look at that little baby not as a bundle of joy but as a freaking 18 year meal ticket. And for those women thinking that a baby is going to make a man stay with you and love you and be the man that you always dreamed of. You are just dumb.
So what's the moral of the story? Fella's get that DNA test before you let her put your name on the birth certificate and I look pretty good in a black robe. It's slimming. Laterzzz...
