Brain Splatter

Everything ends. When it ends you don't always know its over. You don't get memos. There are no big ceremonies. Some things just stop. One day it's one way the next day it is another.

Sometimes one thing ends because another thing begins. You may want to ride the rollercoaster forever but eventually you go over the last hill and glide into the station, then the next riders take your place. You should never expect anything to go on forever. It all goes away eventually and you are left in the dark. And no matter who you are, or what you are, or how ever you try to do whatever you must--it ends up just being you.

Then you remember the lesson that you knew but let yourself forget. It is only you. Don't ever count on anyone. It is better never to have loved than loved and loss. Then you don't know what you are missing.

I used to be dead inside. Completly dead. It was better. I wish I felt nothing. I wish I needed no one. I wish that laying here alone was exactly where I want to be. I wish that when I go to sleep the badness won't come and wake me up just as my mind relaxes and the feeling come out in rush making me wake up, robbing me even of the solace of sleep.

I wish I didn't write this and that I wasn't going to publish it. laterzzz...

--this is how I feel now, don't worry things change--