Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I can' remember what I was thinking when I wrote this.
Mostly, I find I don't like myself. That may be harsh but it is true. I see myself sometimes only through my failures and missed opportunities. Then I realize that I am in the middle of it all and I am currently fucking it all up. I am in a job I don't particularly find that interesting, I live alone, broke, and really have very little positive going on. I should be just about to the point where I slit my wrists. But I am not. Why?
Maybe it is because I realize things are messed up? It's not a surpise. The question is can I do anything about anything any time soon. It seems sometimes that even if I start to overcome any problems that I may have it will take such a long time to get myself to a good place that it is hardly worth the effort. that must be why New Year's resolutions fail. You still have the rest of the year to go to get fufill them, and that is a long time. A long long time. In January, December can be forever.
And yet as I write this I am really not that bummed out about this. I had a good morning. Some might say very good. I can(knock on wood) pay all my bills. I met a cool friend recently. I got a roof (again knock on wood) over my head and in something almost resembling good health. I got what I guess I need but not what I want and I know that is not the way to be but I guess you have to want some things if you are alive. Maybe that is part of what makes us human is that we don't just strive for what we need but we have our wants. The balancing act is to try to keep them in perspective; wants versus needs.
Shit, what I need is to get laid and I want it to be soon. I also want a car. I guess that is just another type of ride. Something quick and agile and can handle the corners and the rough spots well. Something that will go for long distances and stop on a dime. Something that will get going in the cold and can take the heat. And like I said a car would also be nice.
On a lighter note, I have no lighter note. I can't think of anything. See, that is why I miss cable. I can get all kinds of news and shit from it. I guess I got the internet but then you got to read and that takes effort. I don't read newspapers. Not because i don't like them, I do, its just that I don't usually have the timeor the inclination to do so. I mean I will read I like Sunday's paper. Lot's of pretty pictures. Plenty of circulars for stuff to buy. I like pretty pictures. I like Christmas trees. I like pretty pictures of Christmas trees. Hehehe. Sorry for the tangent there but that is too funny.
I think I am having a hard time concentrating tonight because I just want to go home. I am tired. I have had enough. I want to lay down and sleep. Laterzzz...
Maybe it is because I realize things are messed up? It's not a surpise. The question is can I do anything about anything any time soon. It seems sometimes that even if I start to overcome any problems that I may have it will take such a long time to get myself to a good place that it is hardly worth the effort. that must be why New Year's resolutions fail. You still have the rest of the year to go to get fufill them, and that is a long time. A long long time. In January, December can be forever.
And yet as I write this I am really not that bummed out about this. I had a good morning. Some might say very good. I can(knock on wood) pay all my bills. I met a cool friend recently. I got a roof (again knock on wood) over my head and in something almost resembling good health. I got what I guess I need but not what I want and I know that is not the way to be but I guess you have to want some things if you are alive. Maybe that is part of what makes us human is that we don't just strive for what we need but we have our wants. The balancing act is to try to keep them in perspective; wants versus needs.
Shit, what I need is to get laid and I want it to be soon. I also want a car. I guess that is just another type of ride. Something quick and agile and can handle the corners and the rough spots well. Something that will go for long distances and stop on a dime. Something that will get going in the cold and can take the heat. And like I said a car would also be nice.
On a lighter note, I have no lighter note. I can't think of anything. See, that is why I miss cable. I can get all kinds of news and shit from it. I guess I got the internet but then you got to read and that takes effort. I don't read newspapers. Not because i don't like them, I do, its just that I don't usually have the timeor the inclination to do so. I mean I will read I like Sunday's paper. Lot's of pretty pictures. Plenty of circulars for stuff to buy. I like pretty pictures. I like Christmas trees. I like pretty pictures of Christmas trees. Hehehe. Sorry for the tangent there but that is too funny.
I think I am having a hard time concentrating tonight because I just want to go home. I am tired. I have had enough. I want to lay down and sleep. Laterzzz...
// posted by Biff Manly @ 1:43 PM 
