Saturday, June 05, 2010
Headache
I have a damn headache. One of those little tension headaches that lives right behind my left eyebrow. It's not big enough to stop me from doing anything or even for me to notice all of the time. But every now and then I can feel it poking it's ugly little head up and then burrowing back down where it lives.
I've always had headaches. Even when I was a little kid. I know that a lot of them were sinus headaches, probably from minor allergies. Others I know now were from stress. I don't think we realize how stressful some little kids lives are. From expectations they can't meet, bullying, or just the everyday tension of being a little kid and having to suck it up every day to go deal with other little kids.
What I think adults don't realize is that when you are a little kid, you always have someone watching. Either the teachers are watching you in class. The lunchroom people are watching you at lunch. The bus drivers are watching on the bus. The eye of authority is always there.
Even worse can be the eyes of other kids. They are really always watching. In class,on the playground, all the time. Little kids watch, and evaluate each other and classify and remember. They set up a pecking order like a wolf pack and just like a wolf pack they will turn on the weak one in their own pack. Even worse is can be if you aren't another wolf, but a sheep. Sheep flock together but usually one sheep won't come to the aid of another sheep. Two sheep go down just as easy to the pack as one.
I wish I could say I had always been a wolf. I don't think I was. There were times I felt like a sheep. There were times, and sometimes I am not proud but I was a wolf. The funny things about wolves? They may run in packs but most of the wolves are still just following the front wolves. They follow because if you don't run with the wolves you are a sheep. And deep down inside,every wolf is scared to death of one day waking up and being a sheep.
All kids know this. It's never a shock to kids to learn of someone bullying. Adults act shocked because they have forgotten or buried what it was like when they were sheep or wolves. It's hard to look at yourself everyday in the mirror when you are an animal. So adults forget, or suppress but it is always there, the little animal portion of the mind, growling or baa-ing or just sleeping in the deep dark places.
Damn headache. Making me think. I can't forgive you for that. Laterzzz...
I've always had headaches. Even when I was a little kid. I know that a lot of them were sinus headaches, probably from minor allergies. Others I know now were from stress. I don't think we realize how stressful some little kids lives are. From expectations they can't meet, bullying, or just the everyday tension of being a little kid and having to suck it up every day to go deal with other little kids.
What I think adults don't realize is that when you are a little kid, you always have someone watching. Either the teachers are watching you in class. The lunchroom people are watching you at lunch. The bus drivers are watching on the bus. The eye of authority is always there.
Even worse can be the eyes of other kids. They are really always watching. In class,on the playground, all the time. Little kids watch, and evaluate each other and classify and remember. They set up a pecking order like a wolf pack and just like a wolf pack they will turn on the weak one in their own pack. Even worse is can be if you aren't another wolf, but a sheep. Sheep flock together but usually one sheep won't come to the aid of another sheep. Two sheep go down just as easy to the pack as one.
I wish I could say I had always been a wolf. I don't think I was. There were times I felt like a sheep. There were times, and sometimes I am not proud but I was a wolf. The funny things about wolves? They may run in packs but most of the wolves are still just following the front wolves. They follow because if you don't run with the wolves you are a sheep. And deep down inside,every wolf is scared to death of one day waking up and being a sheep.
All kids know this. It's never a shock to kids to learn of someone bullying. Adults act shocked because they have forgotten or buried what it was like when they were sheep or wolves. It's hard to look at yourself everyday in the mirror when you are an animal. So adults forget, or suppress but it is always there, the little animal portion of the mind, growling or baa-ing or just sleeping in the deep dark places.
Damn headache. Making me think. I can't forgive you for that. Laterzzz...
